You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
