I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
