On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
