Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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