We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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