I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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