For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
