quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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