i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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