you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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