I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
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