Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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