he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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