Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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