walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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