I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
