I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
