lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
