is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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