So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
