Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
