I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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