i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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