i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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