Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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