Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
