the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
