when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize