i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
this just has baby written all over it
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
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