soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
