a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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