he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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