i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
