Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
