I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
