i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
pray to the hookup gods
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
