i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
