I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
