i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
