Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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