Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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