Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
