i wish my penis had a tongue
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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