i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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