so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
