I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
