here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
