Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
