I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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