I heard we made out
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize