In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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