discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
