Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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