Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
