ADVERTISEMENT

• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.

  Fav 10 1660 4085

  share tweet
  

• (678): View more from Georgia

  Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.

  Fav 12 826 4702

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (765): View more from Indiana

  So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?

  Fav 16 5302 1940

  share tweet
  

• (469): View more from Texas

  I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.

  Fav 10 4420 1458

  share tweet
  

• (214): View more from Texas

  My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.

  Fav 4 2188 1001

  share tweet
  

• (+27): View more from South Africa

  Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.

  Fav 4 938 1403

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (416): View more from Toronto

  Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Would it have been easier if he talked to her?

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.

  Fav 8 4007 1021

  share tweet
  

• (865): View more from Tennessee

  I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.

  Fav 9 1335 638

  share tweet
  

• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.

  Fav 3 612 912

  share tweet
  

• (212): View more from New York

  VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY

  Fav 1 964 524

  share tweet
  

• (248): View more from Michigan

  Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?

  (810): View more from Michigan

  That you did

  Fav 0 548 217

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (516): View more from New York

  Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.

  Fav 2 22 62

  share tweet
  

• (604): View more from British Columbia

  As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.

  (1-604): View more from British Columbia

  Atta girl.

  Fav 2 90 14

  share tweet
  

• (573): View more from Missouri

  i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.

  Fav 0 40 10

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (805): View more from California

  I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.

  Fav 0 19 73

  share tweet
  

Randomize