If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There r osticjed everywhere
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
