He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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