I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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