dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's shark week go big or go home
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.â€
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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