Just cropdusted the office
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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