I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
