he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize