He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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