At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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