bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize