Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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