I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She needs sedatives and a leash
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
