shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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