I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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