When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
